The Most Important Lesson I Have Learned

By Christina Oehler on November 26, 2014

It’s taken me a while to understand this, but as I enter my twenties I have realized that living my own life is the most important gift I can give myself.

As cliché as it sounds, this lesson took my entire teen years to figure out. I have changed so much about the way I think and act because of what others say, that I made myself miserable in the process.

As a young adult, I think the most important thing you can give yourself is the gift of selfishness. Your entire childhood you’re reminded not  to be selfish, to put other’s wishes first and to care more about what you can give to the world around you rather than yourself.

I wish they would stop drilling this message into the brains of kids, because ultimately, it leads to unhappiness. I’m not saying start acting rudely to others or become a standoffish jerk, I’m simply saying that other’s opinions and wishes should no longer come before yours.

As a teen, I struggled with this concept. I was, like many of my other peers, so overly absorbed with what others were saying about me and how they were perceiving my actions. I was overcome with guilt anytime I did something that I knew would be looked down upon that I came to the point that I would dread walking up to a group of people because of the chance that the focus would shift to me for something I had done.

“How could you do that?” “Ew I can’t believe you did that!” “What were you thinking?” These kinds of comments, while in hindsight were likely harmless, controlled me. I feared hearing these, because ultimately I cared more about my reputation than my own happiness.

It was crippling, because the more I let myself feel this way, the more cut off I became from my friends. I let all of their words seep under my skin and eat at me.

I know I was not the only one experiencing this, and I honestly can’t say I have been able to completely remove the fear from my life. But recently, I have come to terms with the fact that these comments will follow me wherever I go and with any group I surround myself with. It is human nature to have judgmental friends and to be offended by their comments, but if you can remove that fear from your life, you’ll realize how much happier you can be.

This has been one of the most important lessons that I have learned the hard way, and I recommend that any other young adult suffering from this thinks about how unimportant others words really are. Because ultimately, you’re the only one who really cares about you, and your decisions and thoughts should be the only thing controlling your own happiness.

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