How To Perform A Roommate Check-In (In The Least Awkward Way Possible)

By Francine Fluetsch on October 15, 2015

Living with roommates is a new situation for most people. Sharing a space is hard, and it can be difficult at times to share concerns with one another without stepping on people’s toes.

At this point in the quarter/semester, I’m sure you have noticed some things in your dorm room or apartment that you would like to change, so here are some ways that you can go about performing a roommate check-in in a way that will hopefully promote a safe and welcoming environment (and not be entirely awkward!).

Chores

Chores can be a big part of why roommates start to fight. Some may feel like they are taking the trash out more, or are the only ones vacuuming or what have you, so it might be a good idea to check in with one another about how the chore split-up is feeling.

In order to not single anyone out, which would lead to an aggressive environment that won’t accomplish anything, bring up the value of a chore chart, and how it might help everyone feel more even with the division of chores.

Image via info.flatmates.com

You could each bring up chores that you notice are done a lot during the week or that need to be taken care of more often, and list them in order of importance. You can switch off jobs every week, or assign people to a specific job if you all agree on that. This activity should help you all stay civil while getting the place in order. If one of your roommates still seems like they don’t want to talk about it or cooperate, you might need to ask your Resident Assistant to get involved and help you all solve the issue.

Noise levels

Just because your roommate doesn’t tell you they are bothered by your noise, doesn’t mean that they are okay with it. If you like to blast music as you de-stress or work on your assignment, check in with your roommate to make sure they don’t mind. This goes for the television as well. If you like to watch TV at night, be observant to see if your roommates are trying to sleep, and vice versa.

If you are nervous about the confrontation, it might help for all of you to write down your feelings on noise in the room. Is there too much? Is it too quiet? Does the noise go on too late into the night? If you each have to write down your feelings, you might feel better about sharing.

Make sure to try not to accuse any particular roommate of making the noise, rather write down what your ideal situation would be now that you know how intense your classes are. Maybe you can all decide on designated quiet hours, and if someone wants to study on the weekend or during the loud hours, then they would have to go to the library or some other quiet study place.

People staying over

At this point in the quarter/semester, I’m sure you and your roommates have had some friends or significant others over. Are there any problems with this? Are there some people that come over that overstay their welcome or don’t respect the space? If having people over is a problem, it might help to talk out times when you would want the room to be free of people who don’t live there, and when it would be okay.

Image via http://classroom.synonym.com/

Some people might get weird about setting limitations on this, but you should all feel at home in the space, and if they want to see the person more often than is allowed, they can do so in other spaces. You only have one space where you can take a nap or get a good night’s sleep, so it is imperative that you feel comfortable in your space and don’t feel like you can’t do you because of frequent visitors.

Sharing items

Have there been problems with sharing snacks or toiletry items? Do you even want to share? If you don’t want to share, that’s fine, but then you in turn can’t expect to borrow anything from your roommates. In the beginning, we tend to set loose boundaries because we want our roommates to like us, but at this point, you know if things are bothering you. If your roommates keep eating your yogurt, you are unfortunately going to have to talk it through. I know it will be a little awkward, but you’ll be so glad you did it. Maybe they weren’t even aware that it bothered you!

Relationships to one another

If you feel like there has been tension in your room and you aren’t exactly sure why, it might be a good idea to sit down and hash out your feelings. Anger arises in situations where people keep problems to themselves for far too long, so it’s best to work these things through and salvage the situation.

It might be best in this situation for each roommate to write a letter to the others and then all read it in different rooms, so you can absorb what the others want to tell you without blowing up. This could make things more awkward, but the problem is not going to go away if you ignore it. Hopefully opening up to one another will give room for key communication so you can bring up small things as they arise instead of waiting until they are big problems.

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