10 Random Facts about Being an English Major

By Chad Anthony on January 29, 2014

Do you like lists?  Are you an English major?  Are you a fan of counting down from 10?  Do you have a love-hate relationship with your major?  Want to commiserate with fellow like-minded individuals over how underrated our degree is in the eyes of our peers?

If you said NO to any of those questions, then you should, well, keep reading my article.  I mean you’re already here.  If you said YES to any of those questions, you’re in luck!  I’ve compiled a LIST of some beard-stroking facts regarding English majors.  Don’t have a beard?  Stroke something else.

10. The amount of reading is all-consuming
 Upper-level English courses tend to stray away from textbook material.  In exchange, the professor usually picks 4-8 books to read throughout the semester.  When taking around four English classes per semester, 20 hours a day is spent reading some type of classical bullshit or neo-transcendental fictional monologue from some lunatic living in the Alps with his dog Keith-Bob.

9. Read and retain, or at least try to

A constant flood of printed words fly at your head with the coupled expectation that you’ll be able to interpret and produce a detailed intertextual analysis.  From that fury of material you have to produce independent, unique interpretations of the subject.  That’s quite the daunting task.  I don’t want to constantly think about the horrors of capitalism through the lens of Marxist author Herbert Marcuse.  It’s simply draining.  But, I must trudge on.

8. Much of class time consists of discussion about the assigned reading.  

If you don’t do the reading, the professor will know.  They actually kind of catch on to who’s done the homework and who hasn’t. When the Prof looks in your general direction, immediately searching through the assigned reading in a frenzy isn’t as stealthy as you may think.

7. So. Many. Papers.

Along with the ever-growing stack of books, professors assign multiple papers, each with its own specific aim or end game.  We are forced to constantly think about the minute details regarding characters’ actions and statements.  After thinking about why Bobby ordered the fish tacos, we have to craft a well-sounding, concrete thesis.  After the thesis is an outline and rough draft.  After that, the final paper is due.  Two weeks later you find out that your reasoning behind the taco issue was “esoteric” or “nebulous.”  You see the professor’s scribbles, “What was the deeper meaning with the curtain being blue?  Was it depression and his internal wanting to escape the current, abusive lifestyle?”  Maybe the author just wanted blue curtains.  And why are you more involved in the curtains?  Tacos are delicious.

6. Okay, not that much writing is done

Outside of the mounds of papers and random writing assignments, nothing else gets done.  English majors don’t write all that much, where as other majors have problems, case studies, and spread sheets to complete.

5. We can actually communicate in writing and verbally better than most majors
English majors are often the most well spoken students on campus.  We pay attention to the proper times to say “so” opposed to “as” and that there’s a difference between “then” and “than.”  Okay, I may be a little biased, but it’s true.  After reading and writing so much, only science can explain how some of that eloquence-in-diction spills over into our day-to-day lives.  I’ve actually had a grad student say that they didn’t understand me.  It was a point of prideful annoyance in my life.

4. Making connections is a piece of pie

Reading, interpreting, and writing exercise the mind’s  ability to make connections.  Whether that connection is in literature or daily life, little ties become easier to spot, making for interesting revelations.

3. We know how to make one hell of an argument

Let’s beat the dead horse some more.  Because of the onslaught of reading and writing, English majors know how to see both sides of an issue.  How?  Every paper needs to analyze a certain piece or make a purposeful claim.  We contemplate which of the options best makes sense and form our line of discourse accordingly.  If it does not, then we’re shit out of luck and have to start over.  The best professor is one that plays devil’s advocate for everything until he or she is completely convinced with your stance.  On more than one occasion, we have nut-jobs teaching us.  And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

2. No, we haven’t read every book

Just because I told you we read a lot, doesn’t mean that we’re encyclopedias of book knowledge.  A lot of that Shakespeare mumbo-jumbo gets stored in my short-term memory.  Sorry, professor.

1. Edit your paper? Sure, for the right price

This is something I get a lot.  As soon as someone finds out I’m an English major, they half-jokingly, half seriously say, “You should edit my paper for me!”  This is usually followed with, “Yeah, I could do that, for a price.”  Asking for money immediately disinterests the prospective customer, unfortunately.  The fact of the matter is, we can probably produce a better paper than you.  Why, you ask?  Because that’s all we do.  In every class.  And in the near future, we’re going to get paid to put words on paper. Why not start cashing in now?

Follow Uloop

Apply to Write for Uloop News

Join the Uloop News Team

Discuss This Article

Back to Top

Log In

Contact Us

Upload An Image

Please select an image to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format
OR
Provide URL where image can be downloaded
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format

By clicking this button,
you agree to the terms of use

By clicking "Create Alert" I agree to the Uloop Terms of Use.

Image not available.

Add a Photo

Please select a photo to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format