Strange Fad Diets: Lose Weight The Weird Way

By Chad Anthony on March 2, 2014

According to the Oxford Dictionary, “diet” means the kinds of food a person, or animal, consumes habitually. The connotation of the term refers to the clichéd notion of restricting food intake for a particular purpose.  

The  obsession with weight permeates our lives regularly.  Walk into any grocery store aisle and sure enough you will see some orange-tinged muscleman with a 10-pack accompanied by a bleach blonde fitness statue. Perfect time to reflect on your own physique as you’re loading up on the buy-one-get-two-free ice cream cartons and the family-size Cheez-It’s box (for one), right?

These pages contain falsified notions of beauty mixed appropriately with nonsensical information about dance moms and advice from supposed “experts” riddles the diets section. Eat this vegetable. Juice that bark. And whatever you do, don’t even think about eating bacon!  Apparently, bacon is the equivalent of punting a 2-month-old Jack Russel off a cliff. But, I can never not eat bacon. Any and all pork is a gift from Zeus and the Messiah.  

Image from Fitnessgurusam.com

So, thanks to mass media, personal blogs, and a society that wants flawless beauty, dieting has become all the rage. Mix in an expectation for instant gratification and BAM! You have a recipe for numerous articles about “How to shed that unwanted tummy fat fast!” These quick-acting weight loss plans are also known as fad diets, or eating restrictions that usually last for five to 10 days. Some attempt to inspire a “life-time change in eating” but very few people actually stick to the regiment. So, if you’ve needed some inspiration to cut some pounds, look no further!

Chocolate Diet
Unfortunately, the entire meal isn’t straight chocolate. It’s a mixture between fruit, vegetables, popcorn, and pasta. You know, the usual. Fruit and/or salad is on the menu for breakfast and lunch while popcorn serves as the midday snack, with moderated chocolate pieces or low fat portioned chocolate shakes. Chocolate, pasta and fruit?  That doesn’t seem like a diet, that sounds like a trip down delicious lane.

Hollywood!
The Hollywood diet consists of juicing eight oranges and four lemons, honey, bananas, apples, and grape juice. By drinking this concoction, expect to lose about three to four pounds every five days. Hooray for eliminating all normal food and going to a liquid diet!  It’s the slimming meal celebrities should keep to themselves.

Baby Food for Days
Let’s regress back to our birth, where the only thing on the menu was mashed peas, carrots, bananas, or pears.  It’s Gerber goodness for breakfast and lunch with one proper meal for dinner. Reese Witherspoon did this in conjunction with yoga and running for an even more toned diet. The diet is portioned and nutritious while you dive into vats of baby food.

Image from Foodswallpaper.com

Starbucks Diet
Bust the cot out and get ready to memorize the menu. If you keep to a 1,000 calorie diet, the limited coffee shop menu will help you lose weight! Download the app CalorieKing to help with portion sizes and meal tracking. This diet isn’t all that bad – aside from the massive amounts of sodium being ingested, anemic options list, and 2nd mortgage to cover the coffee bill.

Cabbage and Soup
Onions, green peppers, cabbage, and an immense amount of gas. The Old Time working class survived on meals just like this one. But they did it out of necessity, not because of a best friend’s wedding. Drinking massive amounts of liquid helps squelch the hunger pains. After the second day, you’ll turn to water instead of downing boiled cabbage soup for the umpteenth time.

Breatharian
Stemming from Hindu virtues, Breatharians believe that a person can live off solely prana, or the life-giving force. Food and water do not need to be consumed to stay alive. Renowned Breatharian Wiley Brooks has been practicing this lifestyle since 1981. He never liked to eat, so, he decided to follow in his friends’ footsteps and fast for 10 days. Almost magically, his energy and strength  peaked, allowing him to rise to TV fame by appearing on the show “That’s Incredible” by lifting over 10x his body weight. The diet’s main component is a high sunlight and low food intake. When asked about his habits, Brooks said he lives alone, only sleeps for one to seven hours per week, and takes in UV rays on a regular basis.  Brooks went on to plug his new book, Heart of Sunlight: Lonely Tales from Nowhere.

Image from Flicker.com

Protein and Cookies
Tel Aviv studies have shown that a breakfast high in proteins coupled with a small dessert yields the same weight loss results (35 pounds over four months) as a low-calorie diet. Individuals who continued on this bro-protein binge lost additional weight in the next four months. Eggs AND dessert?  Slap my ass and call me the cookie monster, sign me up!  Now, if only we can institute pounds of bacon …

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