The Fine Line Between an Extrovert and an Introvert

By Andrea Loaiza on April 5, 2017

If you have ever taken a personality test, you’ve either been tagged as an extrovert or an introvert. We know extroverts as the people who are the life of the party. Those who talk even when they are asleep. Those who are always laughing and making jokes, who you will never see completely alone but instead surrounded by a very large group of people.

On the other hand, we believe that introverts are the ones who are always at home, just reading a book. They wouldn’t go out of their comfort zone, not even for a thousand dollars. They are always quiet and shy, and you rarely see them at a party.

We believe that extroverts are the day, and introverts are the night.

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My whole life I have been tagged as an extrovert, by others and myself. I felt comfortable around people and around social situations. I loved making new friends and talking to them. I wasn’t afraid of giving my opinion or making my voice heard. I was always running and screaming my lungs off. That was just who I was, and looking back, at least unconsciously, I may have based my decisions in life on the extroverted tag I put on myself.

In this world, we like to divide ourselves into groups, black or white. Either you like sweet or sour. You sing or dance. You like Pepsi or Coke. We have convinced ourselves that we have to take sides — either you are right or wrong — when as a matter of fact, it is really difficult to be 100 percent something. There are more shades of gray than people imagine.

In psychology classes, you learn about different personality tests made by different psychologists — Jung’s Typology, Big 5, Myers-Briggs, Socionics, Enneagram — where the traits that are always constant among them are always extroversion and introversion. These psychologists, mainly Jung and Briggs, believed that everybody has an introverted and extroverted side, one being more predominant than the other. When you ask yourself if you are an extrovert or introvert, you should really be asking what trait is more predominant than the other.

However, we don’t treat them as the spectrum they are, but as two opposite choices. We are constantly told to choose between them by questions that don’t seem to be thought about enough.

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When I read questions like this:

What do you prefer to do on a weekend?
a) Party hard
b) Read a book

I end up having more questions to myself.

What if I like to do both? I’m sure that every decision I make is based on the things that have happened to me that month, week, or day. Maybe that week I had too many exams and I just don’t find the energy to get out of my house to party that weekend. There are times that I just can’t leave a book on my nightstand because it is just too interesting. Maybe I’ve been so hyped that week that I wanted to get out, drink (responsibly), and dance all night. I feel that we’ve been so busy deciding which one of these are we, that we forget to just let every decision we make flow.

There is a problem with accepting you are something in all its glory rather than accepting the fact that one trait is just more present than the other. You end up not showing your other side to the world or getting angry by feeling that way. I’ve met people who call themselves introverted and enjoy going out to clubs and bars from time to time. However, they always find that person who judges them by their choices, saying that they are getting crazy or asking them if something happened to them because they are not used to seeing them like that.

Growing up I realized that you can be at different points of the extroversion-introversion spectrum, and I accepted the fact that I wasn’t and never was going to be just extroverted. I do consider myself an outgoing person who loves to talk and meet new people, but I know my limits. I don’t have a great tolerance for partying hard and going out every weekend. I don’t feel 100 percent relaxed around a huge group of people for a really long period of time. And having me-time can be the highlight of a week.

There’s a term that has been around lately called ambivert, which has been defined as the combination of extroverted and introverted traits. This term has been widely used by people who don’t consider themselves either one or the other, but both, depending on the situation. However, I just feel that this term is trying to tell people that you are not obligated to feel one way or the other. You may be an extroverted person with a few features of an introvert or vice versa. Sometimes, wanting to pertain to a certain kind of group doesn’t let you grow in some important aspects of your life.

Whether you prefer to read or party on a Saturday night, it’s necessary to know yourself in the different areas of your daily life.

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